I like to think of myself as a happy, optimistic person. I always try to be uplifting and find the positive in situations. But this morning I am struggling to do that.
To catch you up to speed real fast I will share my story. Some may know that I am a sign language interpreter. We have a national organization that offers a certification test. I took the test in August 2010 and found out 6 weeks later I passed and was a certified interpreter. I was thrilled!
Fast forward to June 2011 when I got a letter in the mail stating that someone at the national office felt they were qualified enough to evaluate exams (there was a back log with tests) and it affected 34 tests results. Can you guess who was one of the “lucky” 34.
I was offered a free retake with all travel expenses paid, rightfully so. I had a year to take the test and would keep my certification until so. I decided to give myself enough time to prepare and wanted to wait until the winter of 2012 to test again.
In that time frame the national organization decided to release a new ‘enhanced’ test. This time they would not release a rubric (the guideline of what specific critera they are looking for) I found it odd and frustrating. It made it difficult to know how to prepare myself for the test. I signed up to test in April 2012.
I prepared the best I could and felt OK after the test. I waited over 100 days to find out I failed. I was bummed but was offered one more free shot. I prepared even more this time, even taking an 8 week workshop!
I tested in December and felt so confident after I was done with the test. I felt good and knew I did the best that I could have done.
Yesterday, I received an email (while I was at the gym) with my results. I hopped off the rowing machine, said a small prayer, and opened the email. I was devastated to read the word fail.
I quickly grabbed my bag and rushed out to my car before the tears came. Once I shut the car I lost it. I drove home through the blurry tears. As soon as I pulled in the driveway Andy pulled in right there after me. I cried in his arms. He listened to me as I told him how upset/angry/sad/confused I was. I wanted this so bad. I gave it my all, and that’s the best I could have done.
That’s where I am at now. In good news, I still have a job. This test doesn’t matter in the educational interpreting world (in my state), but I am limited on what other jobs I can do (the ones I love). I have decided not to test again. These past few years have been tough and I don’t want to go through all the emotions again.
Andy asked me a good question yesterday, what are you passionate about? He brought up a good point, I’m not as passionate about sign language anymore as I am about other things in my life.
Time to figure out the next chapter in my life….
This was an extremely long and personal post, if you read it all the way through-thank you.